Well so much has gone on in my life over the course of a few months that I don't even know where to begin. It is amazing to me how much life can change because of one or two circumstances. I am so thankful that one thing that is always a constant, is God's love for me.
Ever since I was diagnosed and have begun treatments in the hopes of getting well, my life has been different. There are so many things that I can't do. It can be very frustrating when you try to push yourself and your body just won't cooperate. You feel like your body is betraying you. Even though, I have a strong faith in God and I know He will take care of me, I have often wondered WHY? WHY is this happening to me? Why do I have to deal with this after many years of caring for a sick child? Why has my husband had to go through the difficulty of watching his little girl suffer for years and then right into watching the same thing with his wife. There are so many limitations on me now that I'm sick. So many things that I can't do. There are times that I want to get out and spend time with my family but I just can't. If I choose to do it anyways, I end up suffering physically the next several days because of it. I struggle with the questions, Am I being the best mom I can be? Am I being the best wife I can be? Am I pushing myself hard enough to get better? I know there are many times that the answer to those questions is NO. Not because I don't want to do those things but because of my current physical limitations. I am so thankful for my husband who has stepped up in a BIG way to help take care of the day to day tasks on the days when I can't physically do it. He has NEVER complained once and is such a hero in my eyes. I know God has a plan for our life and I know that He is able to work a miracle. I don't have all the answers to the questions of "why" but I do have faith in a God who loves me. I also know that "All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".
In the middle of this hard trial I have begun to get a clearer picture of God's plan for my life. Like they say, "Tough times don't last, tough people do".
I know I jumped all over the place in this particular blog post and hope that it even makes sense. There is so many thoughts running through my head and sometimes it's better if I just begin to write and don't stop to organize my thoughts. Also, just a little side note, I am so grateful to all those who have prayed for me, emailed, texted, called, and so on. It means so much to me! :)
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